we need to have a talk
For the love of God, I want to get back to the funny... I really, really, really do. I've been working on this all day and have yet to come up with anything even slightly humorous and I give up. So here it is, the last bit of seriousness for the rest of the fucking year... I hope.
I had a realization while hiking with my mini yesterday. I've been pissing and moaning about not getting the opportunity to find myself over this summer of me, but it turns out that I have... the problem is I just don't like what I've found.
I've learned that I have just slightly more class than a hooker. I mean, I'm not at like Colfax status, but drinking as much as I do the rare times I get out have resulted in a couple of hiccups in my plan of holding out for someone worthy of me. This downgrades my self-worth, which in turn transforms me into a fucking headcase, which then makes me not worthy of much.
I've been telling myself all season that I am not ready for a relationship and that's still beyond true. What I haven't been honest with myself about is the fact that I am incapable of separating sex from emotion. And while some people find lasting love in flings, for me... well, my track record of douchers speaks for itself.
I feel like I should take this moment to state that no one I've dealt with recently is a douche, I'm talking about people I've been in relationships with. Well, except for that dude in June... that guy is totally an asshole.
What exactly does this clusterfuck of emo have to do with finding myself? Well, everything. When you're too busy being a nut job and looking to others for validation, working on being all that you can be takes a seat in the trunk.
So, I'm locking this shit up. I know I said that before, but this time, I have a plan. It's lengthy and probably super boring to those that don't live in my head, but it involves less still trying to live the party whenever I can (come on, I'm fucking 30) and more focusing on what really matters: family, true friends and spending more time developing an interest in activities that don't involve a bottle and/or staying out all night. There's nothing wrong with either of those things, it's just time to grow the fuck up and stop being an emotional trainwreck of a ho.
Now that talking shit to myself via the interwebs is out of the way, I must show you this gloriousness that a friend posted to my Facebook wall:
Why yes, that is a mutha fucking wine-filled sippy cup. I'm slapping a mustache on this bad boy and naming him Rodrigo... or Juan... or maybe just Steve. I'm obviously not so hot at naming things so please send suggestions.
Also, fuck OkCupid again. No offense to the makers of said site, but I haven't met a single cool guy that I didn't already know. It may have something to do with the fact that I'm not actually ready to meet someone, but still, come on!
I had a realization while hiking with my mini yesterday. I've been pissing and moaning about not getting the opportunity to find myself over this summer of me, but it turns out that I have... the problem is I just don't like what I've found.
I've learned that I have just slightly more class than a hooker. I mean, I'm not at like Colfax status, but drinking as much as I do the rare times I get out have resulted in a couple of hiccups in my plan of holding out for someone worthy of me. This downgrades my self-worth, which in turn transforms me into a fucking headcase, which then makes me not worthy of much.
I've been telling myself all season that I am not ready for a relationship and that's still beyond true. What I haven't been honest with myself about is the fact that I am incapable of separating sex from emotion. And while some people find lasting love in flings, for me... well, my track record of douchers speaks for itself.
I feel like I should take this moment to state that no one I've dealt with recently is a douche, I'm talking about people I've been in relationships with. Well, except for that dude in June... that guy is totally an asshole.
What exactly does this clusterfuck of emo have to do with finding myself? Well, everything. When you're too busy being a nut job and looking to others for validation, working on being all that you can be takes a seat in the trunk.
So, I'm locking this shit up. I know I said that before, but this time, I have a plan. It's lengthy and probably super boring to those that don't live in my head, but it involves less still trying to live the party whenever I can (come on, I'm fucking 30) and more focusing on what really matters: family, true friends and spending more time developing an interest in activities that don't involve a bottle and/or staying out all night. There's nothing wrong with either of those things, it's just time to grow the fuck up and stop being an emotional trainwreck of a ho.
Now that talking shit to myself via the interwebs is out of the way, I must show you this gloriousness that a friend posted to my Facebook wall:
 |
| Can it be?! |
Why yes, that is a mutha fucking wine-filled sippy cup. I'm slapping a mustache on this bad boy and naming him Rodrigo... or Juan... or maybe just Steve. I'm obviously not so hot at naming things so please send suggestions.
Also, fuck OkCupid again. No offense to the makers of said site, but I haven't met a single cool guy that I didn't already know. It may have something to do with the fact that I'm not actually ready to meet someone, but still, come on!
Amen lady. I had this same realization as of last week myself. I went on a date, didn't work out...that's ok, then went out partied like the old days and what did it bring me? An emo mess of myself that I'm just not excited about. Granted I do not have a child, there are things that I seriously need to focus on and I can't do that and try to have a social life like the old days. I've given up on internet dating, it's a total joke.
ReplyDeleteAnd perhaps i am also in the same boat..just not ready to meet someone. hey...at least we have friendship! :) <3
Thank goodness! I seriously don't know what I'd do without all the wonderful people I know <3 It's time to focus on those relationships rather than trying to maintain a lifestyle that's never been exactly healthy and leads to such poor choices sometimes.
ReplyDelete