fool me once...

So... I'm dumb.

I spent the weekend reconnecting with the hipster bro I spent my last entry bitching about.  If you spend time around here, you'll notice that I deleted that post... hope springs eternal in the retarded (**UPDATE**  You can finally find that entry again here).  Long story short, we went out Saturday night (because I'm dumb), spent Sunday DTRing (because I'm dumb and also pick up on way too much teen lingo) and I'd spent the last two days a little excited, and slightly on edge, that things worked out the way that they did (again, dumb).

Aaaaaaaaanyway, this is how my afternoon went:

The asshole couldn't even wait until I was done impressing the shit out of my new boss for the day.

Fool me once, shame on you, blah blah blah.  It's true, this is definitely my bad.  But you're still a fucking prick.

I'm shockingly so unsad at the moment that I'd be worried if I weren't so... on another level about the whole thing?  Confused?  Not shocking.

When I started this entry, it was all "dating sucks", "this dude's a douche canoe", and "don't date dudes that admit to being 'hipstery'", but I realized that none of these are the actual lesson here... though all of those things are true and you should really pay attention to that last bit.  As much as I meant for this entry to be about how you really need to listen to your gut and that you really shouldn't serve someone the opportunity to hurt you on a silver platter repeatedly, I realized something vastly more important.

Karma just bit me in the mother fucking ass.

Over the six years that Travis (baby daddy to those that may not have time to read my 30's life story) and I spent fucking with each other's heads, we broke up... a lot.  During those hiatuses of love, one of us, or both of us would start a new relationship.  We would then make the mistake of reconnecting and one of us (usually I, because I used to be a psycho) would beg the other back and we'd pick back up as if nothing had ever happened, while also breaking up with whomever we were seeing at the moment.  This led to some a lot of hurt feelers.

I only hurt one on my side.  Thankfully, he forgave me not tooooo long afterwards and we've maintained a good friendship since.  Travis, however, broke quite a few hearts walking this path with me... and I didn't really care.  A few of these girls freaked out and really made life rough for awhile, but I chalked that up to them being the psycho bitch rather than really understanding that it was us that made them that way.

This douchery I've subjected myself to for the last couple of months is cosmic fucking payback.  I knowingly watched my love hurt many for me, sometimes repeatedly, and just acted like everything was fine.  But it wasn't.  Those girls were hurt, far worse than I currently am, and I realize that I actually deserve this.

Karma isn't really a bitch, as so many say.  She's fucking fair.  I just hope she's not so fair as to have me suffer through this as many times as I knowingly assisted in making others suffer through it before.  But if she is, well... I get it.





Side note: found the cached version of my last entry and will get it back up at some point.  Small victories!