hold tight, just a bit more seriousness...



Why yes, I did steal this from my own Instagram...



I've spent a lot of time staring at this printout that's been tacked to my corkboard at work since before I last changed my relationship status.  It wasn't like the push I needed to jump ship or anything, but it was really helpful in willing myself to keep the fuck away from my ex after I had actually left him.  All of that willpower vacated the premises that night I came home drunk while he was sitting and slept with him, but we all need to get laid make mistakes.

I still look at this tiny piece of paper hidden among status definitions and file layouts, important phone numbers, pictures and postcards.  It seems fitting that it's kind of hard to pick out amid the chaos, because moving past that part of my life isn't something I concentrate very much on any longer... it's more something that's buried under the chaos of my day-to-day and is only visible when I move a certain box of thoughts out of the way.

I'm not sure if I still love Travis in any capacity, though I really like to tell myself that I don't, whatsoever... which means I'm probably lying.  I do know, though, that I am no longer in love with him.  It struck me this morning while peering at this quote while drinking my morning coffee.  This is a moment that I've been working for, on and off, since he attacked me almost two years ago.  I finally fucking made it and I'm really proud that, for maybe the first time in my life, I truly ventured out into the unknown and only looked back fleetingly.  The fact that the unknown to me is just walking away from someone without actually leaving them for someone else is sad, but I've been a sad individual for a good portion of life thus far.

So... now what?  I guess it really is time to invent a new life... I've finally reached the end of the road with this one.