1%ing like a mother... literally.
1%ing, otherwise known as "playing 1%" (thanks resident evil genius) is my latest coping method for being stuck in on nights when there is something I'd really like to be out doing. It consists of copious amounts of wine and a single, cheap cigar. It's nothing if not brilliant in its simplicity.
The single cigar is due to the fact that I refuse to buy a pack of cigarettes. I'm not smoking during the day, or even every evening, but still enjoy something of the smoked tobacco variety while drinking. It also gives me a great excuse to go sit in the backyard, or even the driveway, and get out of this house that turns into an oven during the warmer months.
The wine is due to the fact that I qualify as an actual wino at this point... duh.
This method is totally versatile. If I changed the beverage to margaritas, I'd call this practice "Mexican vacation". If I chose to drink Coors Light, I could call it "good ol' boy". If I changed it to Mad Dog 20/20, I'd likely start a fight with a homeless person before I got so far as naming it... but it'd still be a fine way to pass those pointless hours while Luke is sleeping and I have nothing to do but cry about being stuck at home on a weekend night.
Coping methods. I haz them.
The single cigar is due to the fact that I refuse to buy a pack of cigarettes. I'm not smoking during the day, or even every evening, but still enjoy something of the smoked tobacco variety while drinking. It also gives me a great excuse to go sit in the backyard, or even the driveway, and get out of this house that turns into an oven during the warmer months.
The wine is due to the fact that I qualify as an actual wino at this point... duh.
This method is totally versatile. If I changed the beverage to margaritas, I'd call this practice "Mexican vacation". If I chose to drink Coors Light, I could call it "good ol' boy". If I changed it to Mad Dog 20/20, I'd likely start a fight with a homeless person before I got so far as naming it... but it'd still be a fine way to pass those pointless hours while Luke is sleeping and I have nothing to do but cry about being stuck at home on a weekend night.
Coping methods. I haz them.
This made me giggle. I actually told a friend earlier that I was starting to merge parts of my life into the 1% when I was early for work (since I have to yell at myself) and that he should enjoy his wife/baby/responsibility free Sunday going to bed at 8am and "sleeping like the goddamn 1%". Now re-reading the text messages, I don't think he got it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you referenced this and I don't have to feel like the 99%.
If everyone knew how easy it is to feel like the 1%, the world would be a drunker place. I'd love to say better, but yeah... no.
ReplyDelete