the only secret victoria is keeping...

... is how the fuck I end up covered in glitter every time I even look at that store.  During my stint as a crazy person last week, I decided it was time for a whole new underwear wardrobe.  Days later, just driving to work leaves me with palms that look like I spent my morning commute lotioning up a stripper.

Or was Edward Cullen humping my car?

Anyway, now that I've regained my (relative) sanity, I realize that I don't actually have a true use for half the stuff I came home with.  As awesome as wine and laundry night in a skimpy nighty sounds -wait, no, that sounds fucking awful and sad.

Instead, enjoy my boredom (and temporary sobriety) inspired list of alternative uses for all of this gettin' some garb.  Pay attention, you know, in case society ends and reflectors are at a premium or something.


Items with sequins (seriously, sequins?):
Dish scrubbing
Face polishing
Reflectors
Mirror-like communication system with the neighbors
Blinding predators/zombies/kid from down the way that you just seriously don't like

Lacey things:
Mop
Face mask for robbin'
Pretty hair ties
Pull it apart and braid it enough and I'm sure you could fashion some kind of snare (I am obviously not versed in the ways of the out of doors)

Glittery (that I didn't notice beforehand) body spray: 

Room/hideout deodorizer

Glittery spray paint to mark your territory

An initially milder, yet tiny glass-ridden version of mace 

 

All of that fucking padding that a D cup girl obviously needs: 

Insulation

Pillows

Fake facial hair, again for robbin'

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand boredom has again set in.  I'm taking all of this shit back and buying shoes.  Bitches love shoes.