what i was trying to get at last night...
As you've probably gathered by now, most of my posts are just drunken bitchings. Normally this works out wonderfully. I just qwerty vomit my thoughts out and it somehow makes sense. I get my point across in an entertaining (to me) manner, while also giving myself an excuse to drink a bit excessively.
Last night's post, however, was not what I actually wanted to get on about. While being assumed retarded is a huge pet peeve of mine, it's not what's really bothering me right now. An entire bottle of wine before I got to actually typing was probably not the best idea, and I focused on something that pissed me off rather than what's actually hurting me at the moment.
So, quickly as I want to get to bed pretty soon here, I'm going to whine about this situation again... just one last time before I turn the page on this particularly embarrassing chapter of my single life.
I was very casually seeing someone recently. Nothing serious, whatsoever. But I liked him, and I thought he liked me, and it was nice to have constant attention from someone that is not my ex.
We didn't get to hang out often as my schedule is seriously bursting at the seams right now... I have a ton of shit going on at work, I hate to bother people to watch Luke just so I can go have fun, I really need to focus on getting Grams in a better position emotionally, I have housework I never seem to get done, and well, the list goes on and on as it does for a single parent. The time we did get to spend together though seemed well spent, and while I wasn't looking at this becoming a serious thing anytime soon, it was nice to think that it may happen in the future.
I could go on and on about the qualifications he seemed to possess that were what I'm looking for, but it's really not necessary to the story. He appeared to have what I want and that was awesome.
Anyway, I let a bit of time go by before we slept together. I've never done that before, but it's something that I feel is necessary at this point in my life. All of my relationships have started off as what were supposed to be casual flings or one night stands. I've learned that this is not a recipe for success and really, how hard is it to not sleep with someone within the first 48 hours you know them?
As a girl typically does, I started catching the inklings of feelings soon after. I sat on them because I really, really don't actually want to be tied down right now. While deciding exactly how I was going to proceed though, the decision was made for me.
He immediately stopped hitting me up. He stopped responding to most of my texts. We went from a 50-100 text message a day contact rate to about nil. Fucking immediately.
This has never happened to me. As a female, you grow up to stories about dudes like this, but I never managed to actually run across one. It's not like I have a small pool of sexual conquests either... years of drug and alcohol abuse, and super questionable morals, puts my count higher than about anyone I know. In all of that bad behavior, with sometimes not so good people, I never once experienced this.
I'm lucky in that I was just starting to think that maybe I liked him as more than a casual relationship, so this doesn't sting as much as it could. But it hurts... my heart in a little way, but my self-esteem in a massive way.
I wasn't looking for him, at all. He approached me. He opened up this encounter with compliments and questions about my kid and daily life. I didn't hit him up at an almost annoying pace, it was all him. How he could go from super attention giver to straight up ignoring me is really, really bothering me.
Logically, I can only assume that he met or started hanging out with someone else while I was in NM. Emotionally though, it's making me question my desirability.
I know that's ridiculous. Just because one dude decided to not be straight up means nothing as far as my ability to draw someone of quality in the future... when I'm ready for all of that. But it's really fucking with me, regardless. And I'm shocked at myself for being so caught off guard.
So, that's it. I'm reeling a bit, but I'll manage. My guard is officially up, in a way I've never experienced before. But that's probably not a bad thing. I've been through a lot of hurt, worse than this. A lot of self-esteem digs, more painful than this. I just wasn't expecting it and I guess that's what really has me lost.
Last night's post, however, was not what I actually wanted to get on about. While being assumed retarded is a huge pet peeve of mine, it's not what's really bothering me right now. An entire bottle of wine before I got to actually typing was probably not the best idea, and I focused on something that pissed me off rather than what's actually hurting me at the moment.
So, quickly as I want to get to bed pretty soon here, I'm going to whine about this situation again... just one last time before I turn the page on this particularly embarrassing chapter of my single life.
I was very casually seeing someone recently. Nothing serious, whatsoever. But I liked him, and I thought he liked me, and it was nice to have constant attention from someone that is not my ex.
We didn't get to hang out often as my schedule is seriously bursting at the seams right now... I have a ton of shit going on at work, I hate to bother people to watch Luke just so I can go have fun, I really need to focus on getting Grams in a better position emotionally, I have housework I never seem to get done, and well, the list goes on and on as it does for a single parent. The time we did get to spend together though seemed well spent, and while I wasn't looking at this becoming a serious thing anytime soon, it was nice to think that it may happen in the future.
I could go on and on about the qualifications he seemed to possess that were what I'm looking for, but it's really not necessary to the story. He appeared to have what I want and that was awesome.
Anyway, I let a bit of time go by before we slept together. I've never done that before, but it's something that I feel is necessary at this point in my life. All of my relationships have started off as what were supposed to be casual flings or one night stands. I've learned that this is not a recipe for success and really, how hard is it to not sleep with someone within the first 48 hours you know them?
As a girl typically does, I started catching the inklings of feelings soon after. I sat on them because I really, really don't actually want to be tied down right now. While deciding exactly how I was going to proceed though, the decision was made for me.
He immediately stopped hitting me up. He stopped responding to most of my texts. We went from a 50-100 text message a day contact rate to about nil. Fucking immediately.
This has never happened to me. As a female, you grow up to stories about dudes like this, but I never managed to actually run across one. It's not like I have a small pool of sexual conquests either... years of drug and alcohol abuse, and super questionable morals, puts my count higher than about anyone I know. In all of that bad behavior, with sometimes not so good people, I never once experienced this.
I'm lucky in that I was just starting to think that maybe I liked him as more than a casual relationship, so this doesn't sting as much as it could. But it hurts... my heart in a little way, but my self-esteem in a massive way.
I wasn't looking for him, at all. He approached me. He opened up this encounter with compliments and questions about my kid and daily life. I didn't hit him up at an almost annoying pace, it was all him. How he could go from super attention giver to straight up ignoring me is really, really bothering me.
Logically, I can only assume that he met or started hanging out with someone else while I was in NM. Emotionally though, it's making me question my desirability.
I know that's ridiculous. Just because one dude decided to not be straight up means nothing as far as my ability to draw someone of quality in the future... when I'm ready for all of that. But it's really fucking with me, regardless. And I'm shocked at myself for being so caught off guard.
So, that's it. I'm reeling a bit, but I'll manage. My guard is officially up, in a way I've never experienced before. But that's probably not a bad thing. I've been through a lot of hurt, worse than this. A lot of self-esteem digs, more painful than this. I just wasn't expecting it and I guess that's what really has me lost.
I hate guys. >:( Its just shallow and rude. There isnt any excuse for that other than he either didnt like it, or that's all he wanted. Way to make a girl feel great about herself ya jerk!....that's how I feel.
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm pissed as all hell about it, it's my own fault in some ways for not making it even harder to get in my pants. This shit is officially on lock down lol.
ReplyDelete