adventures in online dating

Having lived in Denver my whole life and feeling like I know everyone in the smallest big city ever, I sometimes get a wild hair up my ass and decide that meeting people I have no connection to is a good idea.  After an exceptionally rough day in single mom land (and loads of wine), I occasionally find myself answering stupid questions on web forms that are supposedly designed to help me find my soulmate.

This is obviously retarded.  I really don't have a hard time meeting people out, and I haven't had the best luck in these online endeavors... as I will now explain.

OkCupid
Of the whole eight people I could stomach conversation with, I already knew four.  The newbies' attractiveness ranged from pedophile to date rapist, with the exception of the ok-looking dude that lived out of state.  When his host of parental issues reared its ugly head, I decided that this was not the place for me.

Time spent on site: a weekish
Number of initial prospects: 1
Rating: 0 out of 10

Plenty of Fish
Again, I was hit up by a lot of dudes I already know.  In a friendly manner, no creepiness, so that was alright (same with the homies that hit me up on the previous site).

There were a lot more attractive guys, but the intelligence level of most left a lot to be desired.  Seriously, how hard is it to spell "you" or "there"?  I understand Swype fucking even the most spelling bee winningest of us all on occasion, but come the fuck on!

Where the site wins in attractive dudes, it loses in the sheer amount of them.  No matter how often I logged in, I could not keep up with all of the messages I received.  I could attribute this to the awesome drunk pictures I posted or my rambling profile, but let's be real... too. many. dudes.

I did end up dating a couple of guys from here, one for awhile who has ended up being a great friend.  On that note though, he turned out to know a crap ton of people I know and we'd partied together in our younger years.  The other... well, he's the finger 'stache weilder I referenced in my return to blogland, so I'm pretty sure you can tell how that went.

Time spent on site: On and off (mostly off) for 6 months maybe
Number of initial prospects: 5
Rating: 5 out of 10, and only due to meeting a now lifelong friend

Craigslist
Yep, I went there.  To be fair, I know a married couple and another couple who met there and are all for it, so I figured what the hell?

My search for nothing more than a good conversation with a non-three year old has resulted in so many dick pics in my inbox that I'm afraid to check my email without donning a hazmat suit (insert distasteful joke about my virtual box getting more action than my real one here).

Between the married/stepping out on their girlfriends, the desperate and the completely insane, I may have been hit up by someone cool.  No idea though, way too awful.

Amid all that awesomeness, I got an email from a dude I've been avoiding since high school and ran into a post from Mr. Finger Stache himself.  It has been a hilariously awful experience.

Time spent on site: one holiday weekend
Initial prospects: fucking 0
Rating: -2 out of 10

I've been meeting people online for the better part of two decades.  The number of friends I've gotten to know through chatrooms, web forums, social networking and media probably rivals the number of people I just randomly met in life at this point.  This is just the world we live in and I'm beyond good with it.

That being said, fuck actual dating sites.  If you want to meet your life partner online, try forums for shit you're interested in, or find social groups that do things you do on Meetup or something.

Or maybe I just suck at this.  That's probably the real issue here.

Happy hunting!