white trash news flash
Since everyone that follows this blog is probably my friend on Facebook, the likelihood that you've already read a bit of this is pretty high. Regardless, I want to air all of my feelings out here as I've always been better at getting everything out in this format than any other.
While Travis and I were broken up last year, he dated a girl... one that I've pretty much despised since the moment I met her, mostly due to the fact that she was obviously coveting that which I felt was mine. He also impregnated this girl and Luke now has yet another half-sibling. That puts the count up to two older half-sisters and a younger half-brother, all from different mothers. My disappointment in the man that I loved through thick and thin for seven years is massive. The complete selfishness he has displayed shocks the core of me, even after knowing him so completely for so long.
I've known about this from a bit of a different standpoint since she found out she was pregnant. At the time, it seemed obvious that the baby was his roommate's, due to Travis's lying to me about when they actually started sleeping together. I'm still pretty pissed that he just came clean about all of that seeing as he's spent the majority of our time together accusing me of all sorts of retarded shit and being pissed off at me about things that happened while we were not a couple. I guess constantly being on the defense partially blinds you to the misdeeds of those constantly berating you for misunderstandings and/or actions you took while being a young and single female.
I found a message from the newest mother in our ever-growing troupe in my Other messages box on Facebook today. She sent it at the end of March, which is about when Travis and I were trying to reconcile (yet again) and he had already told me that this child was probably his. The fact that this baby is his is what ultimately lead to the latest demise of our long history together, and being a few weeks removed from the entire situation, it was hard to have to revisit (also, yet again) how I feel about the entire thing.
I'm still fucking pissed. I gave up the option of having children for this man. Luke is the result of an accident that happened after years of being together on and off... the culmination of years of mutual love. He is supposed to be here, which I feel is completely evident in the fact that I did not find out he was growing inside of me until it was much too late to "take care" of him.
I'm not saying that this new member of the family isn't supposed to be here. I have very mixed feelings regarding this entire situation. Mostly though, I'm pissed off for all of the children created and not taken care of by this man.
I could get into child support discussions but, the fact is, I'm the only one not looking for it so I don't really have a personal stake in the matter. The only thing I want from the man I mistakenly thought was my soulmate is for him to be a good dad... which is he is, when he's allowed to be present. Taking him to court to bleed his turnip is only going to result in those seeking not getting what they want nor deserve, and him probably going to jail, yet again. I'm not defending anyone's actions, just stating it how I see it. And that's all I have to say about that.
At the end of the day, all that really matters to me is that Luke loves his father and that his father loves him. I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize that relationship... and that means telling newest baby's mama that she needs to take a lot of her issues up with daddy. The only advice I could give her in this situation is to remember that these children are the only people that matter in any of this. Our feelings no longer mean shit... we have now been relegated to protectors of heart and installation of values that ensure our children don't end up like the man that contributed half of their DNA.
On that note, I'm going to sip more wine and dance around my basement some more. I promise that my next entry will be all about how awesome it is being me (which it is, regardless of all of this shit), life with my main lil man, new crushes and gut butterflies. Till then, I just ask my favorite ladies to protect those ovaries. You really don't want to have to deal with this shit <3
While Travis and I were broken up last year, he dated a girl... one that I've pretty much despised since the moment I met her, mostly due to the fact that she was obviously coveting that which I felt was mine. He also impregnated this girl and Luke now has yet another half-sibling. That puts the count up to two older half-sisters and a younger half-brother, all from different mothers. My disappointment in the man that I loved through thick and thin for seven years is massive. The complete selfishness he has displayed shocks the core of me, even after knowing him so completely for so long.
I've known about this from a bit of a different standpoint since she found out she was pregnant. At the time, it seemed obvious that the baby was his roommate's, due to Travis's lying to me about when they actually started sleeping together. I'm still pretty pissed that he just came clean about all of that seeing as he's spent the majority of our time together accusing me of all sorts of retarded shit and being pissed off at me about things that happened while we were not a couple. I guess constantly being on the defense partially blinds you to the misdeeds of those constantly berating you for misunderstandings and/or actions you took while being a young and single female.
I found a message from the newest mother in our ever-growing troupe in my Other messages box on Facebook today. She sent it at the end of March, which is about when Travis and I were trying to reconcile (yet again) and he had already told me that this child was probably his. The fact that this baby is his is what ultimately lead to the latest demise of our long history together, and being a few weeks removed from the entire situation, it was hard to have to revisit (also, yet again) how I feel about the entire thing.
I'm still fucking pissed. I gave up the option of having children for this man. Luke is the result of an accident that happened after years of being together on and off... the culmination of years of mutual love. He is supposed to be here, which I feel is completely evident in the fact that I did not find out he was growing inside of me until it was much too late to "take care" of him.
I'm not saying that this new member of the family isn't supposed to be here. I have very mixed feelings regarding this entire situation. Mostly though, I'm pissed off for all of the children created and not taken care of by this man.
I could get into child support discussions but, the fact is, I'm the only one not looking for it so I don't really have a personal stake in the matter. The only thing I want from the man I mistakenly thought was my soulmate is for him to be a good dad... which is he is, when he's allowed to be present. Taking him to court to bleed his turnip is only going to result in those seeking not getting what they want nor deserve, and him probably going to jail, yet again. I'm not defending anyone's actions, just stating it how I see it. And that's all I have to say about that.
At the end of the day, all that really matters to me is that Luke loves his father and that his father loves him. I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize that relationship... and that means telling newest baby's mama that she needs to take a lot of her issues up with daddy. The only advice I could give her in this situation is to remember that these children are the only people that matter in any of this. Our feelings no longer mean shit... we have now been relegated to protectors of heart and installation of values that ensure our children don't end up like the man that contributed half of their DNA.
On that note, I'm going to sip more wine and dance around my basement some more. I promise that my next entry will be all about how awesome it is being me (which it is, regardless of all of this shit), life with my main lil man, new crushes and gut butterflies. Till then, I just ask my favorite ladies to protect those ovaries. You really don't want to have to deal with this shit <3
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