shift
I haven't really been around much lately. I'm not going to lie, life's been fucking hard recently, but I'm still drunkenly laughing through it all. I could go into a long-winded whine about all that troubles me at the moment, but I'm actually kind of grateful... because none of it has to do with failed romance or shitty self-esteem, whatsoever.
I spent some time today reading through my posts over the last... however long I've had this thing, and I'm a bit saddened by what I've seen. Yes, hilarity ensues here often, but most of it is the same theme: hurt. Hurt due to rejection, hurt due to bad timing, hurt due to an inability to ask for what I want, hurt at my life not being the big ball of romantic awesome I'd always envisioned it'd be at this point.
Hurt over others, and hurt due to loads of insecurities that have followed me from my earliest days on.
I'm happy to say that this hasn't really been the theme of my life lately, for maybe the first time ever. Frustration at this moment is due to normal, healthy (lies) life stuff; laid up grandmother, not making enough money, a scary to someone who's had the same job for almost 11 years job hunt, normal child rearing crap, and on and on. And that feels really good, in the weirdest fucking way.
I mean, I'm still dating... I get hungry and there are a lot of hot guys out there. But something's shifted. I guess it's that, through all the stress that currently is, my life is still chock full of awesome. Amazing child, sleepovers with the bestest friends in the world, mountain time, cherry vodka tonic/peeber/wine-fueled dance parties, peanut butter, mosh pits, time with the homies, hiking with the girls, Snickers bars, dogs, breakfast burritos, chorizo, tacos, green chili... and crap, I'm hungry.
Between all of this badassery and constant face stuffing, there's not much room for loneliness and self-loathing. In fact, there is absolutely no room for it.
I really want to expand on this thought and edit the shit out of this post until it's actually funny and insightful, but I just walked into my room and saw Luke holding down my side of the bed... which means he's looking for snuggles in his sleep. And that is truly where my (and your) effort should really be aimed, at those that love you regardless and at those experiences that make your heart happy.
Love love. I'll try to find something worth bitching about soon <3
I spent some time today reading through my posts over the last... however long I've had this thing, and I'm a bit saddened by what I've seen. Yes, hilarity ensues here often, but most of it is the same theme: hurt. Hurt due to rejection, hurt due to bad timing, hurt due to an inability to ask for what I want, hurt at my life not being the big ball of romantic awesome I'd always envisioned it'd be at this point.
Hurt over others, and hurt due to loads of insecurities that have followed me from my earliest days on.
I'm happy to say that this hasn't really been the theme of my life lately, for maybe the first time ever. Frustration at this moment is due to normal, healthy (lies) life stuff; laid up grandmother, not making enough money, a scary to someone who's had the same job for almost 11 years job hunt, normal child rearing crap, and on and on. And that feels really good, in the weirdest fucking way.
I mean, I'm still dating... I get hungry and there are a lot of hot guys out there. But something's shifted. I guess it's that, through all the stress that currently is, my life is still chock full of awesome. Amazing child, sleepovers with the bestest friends in the world, mountain time, cherry vodka tonic/peeber/wine-fueled dance parties, peanut butter, mosh pits, time with the homies, hiking with the girls, Snickers bars, dogs, breakfast burritos, chorizo, tacos, green chili... and crap, I'm hungry.
Between all of this badassery and constant face stuffing, there's not much room for loneliness and self-loathing. In fact, there is absolutely no room for it.
I really want to expand on this thought and edit the shit out of this post until it's actually funny and insightful, but I just walked into my room and saw Luke holding down my side of the bed... which means he's looking for snuggles in his sleep. And that is truly where my (and your) effort should really be aimed, at those that love you regardless and at those experiences that make your heart happy.
Love love. I'll try to find something worth bitching about soon <3
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