we meet again
After my last note to you, that resides only in my actual written journal (the place that NO ONE wants to see), you'd think that I had nothing left to say. However, I do... but this is probably not going to go in the direction you'd guess.
I saw you twice today. Seriously, fucking twice. The first time, I passed you turning onto the road I was already rolling down. The second, at the warehouse party I ended up hitting this evening.
Once, full of sushi and happies. Once, full of vodka, weed and happies. And I'm still full of happies.
Passing you on the road, it was just a quick "That guy looks like Douche Bro. Oh, hey, that is Douche Bro. Huh."
At the warehouse, I danced behind you. I walked right past you. I looked directly into your face. But each time, I didn't even realize it until the moment had passed. And yet, it did nothing to change the emotion of the evening, which was nothing but contented awesomeness.
My last journal entry outlined the various reasons and ways I hate you. But, though it was written just three days ago, it is no longer valid.
I don't hate you. I feel nothing towards you. Not disdain, nor caring, nor disgust, nor yearning. I. Feel. Nothing.
And that's a great place to be. When someone takes something from you, be it dignity, a level of self-esteem or even some of the trust you have in the opposite sex, it is the most powerful thing in the world to get part of it back.
I haven't fully worked out the things that I've listed: my self-esteem is still slightly bruised; I don't trust dudes that are not related to me whatsoever; my dignity is still curled up in the fetal position in a dark corner. But what I did get back tonight is so much more important than all of that combined.
I got me back. Happy, sometimes stoned, often drunk. nerdy white girl dancing like no one's watching, silly, confident.. er, happy-go-fucking-lucky me. The worst part of my evening, the moment I shattered my screen within 5 minutes of walking in, barely made me frown. That's some serious posi-fucking-tivity right thuuuur.
I saw you twice today. Seriously, fucking twice. The first time, I passed you turning onto the road I was already rolling down. The second, at the warehouse party I ended up hitting this evening.
Once, full of sushi and happies. Once, full of vodka, weed and happies. And I'm still full of happies.
Passing you on the road, it was just a quick "That guy looks like Douche Bro. Oh, hey, that is Douche Bro. Huh."
At the warehouse, I danced behind you. I walked right past you. I looked directly into your face. But each time, I didn't even realize it until the moment had passed. And yet, it did nothing to change the emotion of the evening, which was nothing but contented awesomeness.
My last journal entry outlined the various reasons and ways I hate you. But, though it was written just three days ago, it is no longer valid.
I don't hate you. I feel nothing towards you. Not disdain, nor caring, nor disgust, nor yearning. I. Feel. Nothing.
And that's a great place to be. When someone takes something from you, be it dignity, a level of self-esteem or even some of the trust you have in the opposite sex, it is the most powerful thing in the world to get part of it back.
I haven't fully worked out the things that I've listed: my self-esteem is still slightly bruised; I don't trust dudes that are not related to me whatsoever; my dignity is still curled up in the fetal position in a dark corner. But what I did get back tonight is so much more important than all of that combined.
I got me back. Happy, sometimes stoned, often drunk. nerdy white girl dancing like no one's watching, silly, confident.. er, happy-go-fucking-lucky me. The worst part of my evening, the moment I shattered my screen within 5 minutes of walking in, barely made me frown. That's some serious posi-fucking-tivity right thuuuur.
Self, you can totally stop dropping/losing/otherwise disabling phones though... this is getting fucking expensive.
Blips on the radar sometimes cause more trouble than is warranted, but they often bring with them some much needed lessons. Keep your eyes on the prize, stay true to yourself, remember what's important and just keep on keeping on are what I've garnered from you. It may have been a battle some days, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be cake from here on out.
Unicorns farting rainbows,
Ali
Blips on the radar sometimes cause more trouble than is warranted, but they often bring with them some much needed lessons. Keep your eyes on the prize, stay true to yourself, remember what's important and just keep on keeping on are what I've garnered from you. It may have been a battle some days, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be cake from here on out.
Unicorns farting rainbows,
Ali
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