this entry's only short because i really want to get enough sleep to make it to beta tomorrow night...

It's been a minute.  I have no excuses.  I got really busy and then lost my way for awhile.  During this time away, I logged a lot of hours just working and being a good mommy.

I also managed to fall into bed with my ex and half-attempt a reconciliation.  I wish I could at least say I was giving it my all, but I wasn't.  I knew right off the bat it wasn't what I wanted to be doing, that I was lying to myself and ultimately to him, and that what I really wanted was for my son to wake up to his daddy on a regular basis.  That's not a good reason to keep trying to fix something that is so utterly broken and wrong, and I already knew that.  It was a huge waste of time, but I guess I really got it through my head that he is not what I need, want or can even put up with.

So he left me this time and now here we are, close to two weeks from the latest failed attempt at making a family work with the person that I actually did make a family with.  I'm lucky in that this completely coincided with a reunion of sorts.  And that I found myself, drunk on the dancefloor, reliving an era still very cherished with my favorite people in the world.


I really don't have much to say about the entire thing except that I had the best time I've had in a lot of years.  Reliving my youth with some of my best friends was exactly what I needed to remind myself of who I am and who I keep trying to hide for whoever it is that mistakenly has my heart at the moment.


I am Ali.  I like to get wasted and dance my ass off to music that reminds me that I'm alive and not really that old yet.  I have a kiddo I adore more than life itself but love to get away from here and there.  I hold it down at job and at home without the help of a man.  And while someday I'd love to share all of this responsibility and love with another, for right now, I'm totally cool being the only one in charge.

I love my families, those of blood and those of mass amounts of love.  I love my life.  I love the potential that living life everyday as myself brings.  I love spring storms and hot summers.  I love music on patios, bbqs in loved ones' backyards, children running and laughing in the sun, drinking cheap beer with the homies and soaking up life as only I can.


I know I've said a lot of this before, but I was being premature and forcing realizations that had not truly occurred yet.

They have now.  Watch out summer, I'm going to fuck you up.